no way
by 23seasonthemoon
Summary: A conversation between Tonks and Sirius about Lupin.  I don't own or claim any right to these characters, but it is so much fun to take them out for a spin once in a while.


Nymphadora Tonks shows up on the doorstep of 12 Grimmauld place. The full moon shines like a silver dollar on her spiky pink hair. A chill

wind rustles fallen leaves about her feet, foretelling a nasty winter ahead. She knocks, and Sirius Black opens the door.

"Wotcher Sirius! Uh, is Remus here?"

"No, Hi, he is ...out at the moment... Come on in Tonks. Do you want a drink? I am actually glad you showed up, I am going stir crazy in

here and have decided to get completely pissed to relieve the boredom. The company would be great."

"Sure, alright, I could use a drink. I am off work tomorrow anyway."

"You're sort of uh, dressed up Nymphadora. He emphasizes the name. "Got a hot date or something?" He grins in a most infuriating way.

Looking flustered, she smooths her black mini skirt. "Don't call me that! Umm no, ...can't a person just dress nice once in a while?"

"Yeah, sure, I guess so... Come on in. Quiet now, don't wake mother."

The grey curtain sways slightly over the portrait of Mrs.. Black.

"She has been really docile lately, and I don't want that to stop anytime soon." he whispers.

Tonks makes a special effort to avoid tripping over the accursed umbrella stand, and for once, succeeds.

He leads the way quietly to the kitchen, sits at the long wooden table, and pours her a glass of fire whiskey. She lifts it to her lips and swigs

deeply. He sits at the long table and refills his own glass.

"Thanks."

"So what goes on cousin? Sorry to say I don't get out much these days. He rolls his eyes. Sort of out of the loop here. "

"Well, some wizard named Dumbhoff who I never heard of turned up dead behind a dumpster over on the East side of London last week. Not a

mark on him, seems no one can't find a cause of death. The muggle papers speculate he was some crazy homeless whino, 'cause he was

wearing filthy purple velvet robes and cowboy boots I suppose. Don't have a clue why he was out on the streets dressed like a bloomin' idiot anyway, It's not that hard to dress like a convincing muggle is it? T shirt and jeans too difficult for him or what? Mad Eye suspects the death eaters. Oh, and they are making us fill out all the forms at the ministry in triplicate now, which is a royal pain in the ass, but not too much new going on besides that, thoroughly boring really. You doing alright?"

"As well as can be expected I suppose", he replies sullenly.

Hmm. The silence drags and she takes another long pull on her drink.

"Alright then," Sirius says with a slight smirk "new topic just 'cause I am curious. What exactly, is going on with you and Remus? "

"What? -Nothing." she hesitates, her ears turning a little pink. "We're just...friends... " She gestures expansively and knocks her mostly empty

glass over.

Oh crap.

"Oh come off it Tonks, I've seen the disgusting little flirty things you two are doing in the corners after order meetings when you think nobody's

looking. I am pretty sure everyone has. Everyone who's not blind anyway" Sirius replies. "You want a towel or something?"

"No, it's ok. It was mostly empty anyway. Oh, well, I guess we're sort of... I suppose I'm kind of into him. Well, anyway, we really hit it off and for

the past couple of months, he's been coming 'round my flat every Friday evening for our (she raises her fingers in quotation marks) "weekly

snog". Not that that ever amounts to much. He is really reserved. Uptight even. The man won't even cop a feel unless I take his hand and

actually put it on my breast. And he always gets up, excuses himself and leaves right when we are getting to the interesting bits. I don't know

what the hell is the problem. I know he likes it. I know he likes me. .. Honestly, he is not like any other bloke I have ever met."

"Well no... he probably isn't. That sounds like him though. I do rather like the notion of him getting his ashes hauled for a change, he seems

like he could really use it."

"So, What the hell? You are his best friend." she says, tracing wavy lines in the puddle of whiskey on the table. "It's just sex. You don't think he

could be-a virgin or something? He seems quite a bit too old for that."

"What... Mooney? No, not at all."

"Why? How do you? What do you know about his past? Sexually I mean..Tell me..."

"Damn, cous, nosy much?"

"Yeah, yeah, super nosy, now tell me."

"Ok", Sirius, replies, his teeth showing in a grin. He is slurring his words a bit. Tonks wonders how many glasses of whiskey ahead of her he is.

" Well, I don't know all the details of course, there were a couple of girls at Hogwarts for starters, and I know there was some wand stroking

going on there, but I never knew if it went all the way. He is a pretty private person. I don't know much of what he has been up to for the past

few years. I have been away from everything for so long. Oh, and I know he slept with Madame Rosmerta once too."

"What! NO! Rosie? "

"Yeah."

"Three Broomsticks Rosie?"

"Yeah."

"No! You are so pulling my chain! I am not some stupid naive little kid anymore. You can't fool me like that, the way you used to. She's like

what? 45 or 50 or something?" She says, smacking him on the shoulder. "Stop it!"

"Ow!, Well, NOW she is, but that is only seven years or so older than I am, and he is, for that matter. And her charms are... well...prodigious

-even today. "

"Seriously, how on earth do you know this?"

"He told me a couple of months ago when we were sitting around here pissing off, drinking and having a laugh, you know. We got to talking

about women among other things. Said he was at the Three Broomsticks a few months after I went to Azkaban and it was a really slow night.

Says he was drunk and brooding, you know the way he does, feeling sorry for himself, and she gave him a free room at the inn and I quote 'The

queen mother of all pity fucks'."

"No way. I don't believe you"

Alright, maybe he didn't say it exactly like that. I wouldn't have believed it either, but I've never known him to be much of a braggart, or a liar,

Remus. I actually would swear also, that I saw her a couple of times during one of our school trips to Hogsmeade, I guess it was 6th or 7th

year or around then... giving him a less than matronly look. And he says she has a spray of freckles between those, if Ido say so myself,

fabulous- breasts."

"Ugh! No!" Tonks gasps, then puts her fingers to her mouth "Although now I think about it, she does give him a free drink every time we go in there."

"Well there you have it. "

Sirius laughs

"Git! Oh bloody hell! He is just such a complete mystery, so full of secrets..." she says plunking her chin down on the palm of her hand.

Sirius snickers again..

"Oh little cousin, you have no idea...really, no idea at all..."


End file.
